Fancy Pants

Yikes.

Twice in one day.

After searching through every possible person's blog I could find, I realized that I am glad that you all do not read my blog. What I am writing about is pointless and hopefully not defining. While it's really flattering (I'm a loser) when someone adds me as a link on their page, I feel confident knowing that nobody stumbles this way... and it helps deter people when you write very little.

I hope to bring up the level of content on this page. After all I am devoting so much time to this project.

Do you know what is really frustrating? I am sure you have your own ideas... but I am really only asking about mine. Anyway the frustrating thing... is finding out how little people care about each other. It seems as though (to me) our culture (when played out perfectly) says that we should put our family first and after that how you deal with people doesn't matter. I know that I am not going to put this as carefully as I should... but I don't know that I can really articulate what I am thinking. Ok let's go.

Concerning commitments:
Because of guilt and obligation and selfish feelings, people (the normal kind) (only opinion) will follow through with the plans they make with their families. Not everyone does it because of these reasons, but most do when it comes down to wanting to break the commitment. Do you know what I mean? Like mostly I want to see my mother but when it comes to the day and I am just feeling poopy and not like trying to communicate, because she is the woman who kind of raised me and because she has power over me like no other woman... I will keep to the commitment. (All of you probably know that using me as an example is bad because I am not as close to my family and this is why this particular issue haunts me).

Now the friend test:
Your friends don't want to be with you if you don't want to be with them... so they will accept your flakiness...
Or
Your friends will not make you feel guilty they will only talk about you behind your back... so screw them.
Am I being harsh? Do relationships not play out this way?

Here is the full circle. As I was reading all of the blogs today, it was difficult thinking that anyone of these people were like that. They are all people who stick to their word but also change their minds and when they do their friends understand. They know that family can be hard but it is essential because they are they people that when you move away you don't grow distant (I am guessing). I am not conveying my point as well as I want... All I want to say is that I missed my chance to grow relationships with these people and I am sad. I love my friends and all but let me tell you that there are not many of them and none of them live close to me. How am I to find people like you here? I can't believe that I expect too much from friendships because I have all of these examples...

I miss Athens... but let's not pretend that I would truly take advantage of the people that I wish I were friends with now... I know that I am too something to do that. I think resentful is the something... I am sorry if you don't know what that means.

Can I tell you that I am resentful about any faith community that I interacted in there... would you forgive me for that? Would you understand why I have carried that around and not given it up? Do you think I am a stubborn ass?

The point:
I am looking for friends who:
1. Care about important things... like poverty, and the homeless, and AIDS, and the environment, and about not hurting others...
2. Cares about me
3. Thinks that I have plenty of flaws
4. Likes talking and enjoys listening
5. Encourages and rebukes me
6. Isn't fake but rather genuine with the general public... in the kind way... like Ellen Botkin or Amy Popp
Another Point:
I think that only responding to your family because of good or bad motives sucks.
The Last Point:
I don't actually know anything.

posted by Sweet T @ 3:18 PM